Happy Birthday to ME!! (and a special gift)

Another year older, another year wiser....right?

My mom took the day off work and we went shopping. We had planned to go further away but I had to be back to get M from school so we went where my mom lives. We just kinda browsed the stores. I have birthday money to spend and couldn't find anything I liked. Isn't that how it always is? I wont even tell you about me searching every store in this city for a pair of jeans. That would take way too long ;)

We had lunch and just talked. This was the first time my mom and I have been alone....just me and her since Madison was born. It was nice. I came home and The Husband ordered pizza (we will go out this weekend for a nice dinner) and he (and M) also made me a cake. Red Velvet, my fave!!

Now lets talk about something special.

To cut to the story.....my mom was by my grandfathers side every second in his last week. Remember I was having a miscarriage that week so I wasn't there and it still hurts me that it happened that way. So he died on June 5 and my mom was talking to him about how my nieces birthday was June 10 and she would take him to her house so he could celebrate with us. At this point we didn't think he would die. He literally took a turn for the worse in 12 hrs and that was it. So they are talking about birthdays and he said Helen's birthday was July something......Helen is a little old lady that he met in his assisted living apartment where he lived after my grandma died. Then the conversation went on to M's birthday and my birthday being in Sept, etc. Later on my mom was going to the gift shop and my grandpa told her to get a birthday card. My mom bought it and gave it to him.....the whole time she is thinking it was for Helen.

It was for me. And she saved it for me until today. It wasnt for M, it wasnt for Helen, or my cousin who has a birthday a day before me......it was for me.
Inside it says.....
Lil,
Happy Birthday
Love, Grandpop

The Lil part is because my grandparents ALWAYS called me Lily. Noone knows why, they just did and it was special to me. I can still hear my grandmother saying Lil in my head all the time and she died 5 yrs ago. Lil upset me more than getting the card. He also put his last money he had in his wallet in the card. I feel like I should spend that on something special.

I didn't open the card until I got home because my mom told me it would upset me. She was right.....I cant think about it without fighting tears. I miss my grandparents so much!!
I also have a strong need to have a little girl so I can name her Lily.
sigh.