A battle in the mind

So last night when I was wide awake at 1am I thought about blogging. And then I thought about not blogging. That made me think about what I really wanted to do with this blog. As you all know I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I feel like I have no control over anything and I don't like it. I have insomnia. I've never had insomnia....I am a sleeper. Sleepers don't lie awake hours after the rest of the house has gone to sleep. Sleepers don't lay on the sofa at 1am watching mindless TV.

So right now I am trying to decide if I want to keep this blog all sunny or if I want to make it real life. I am leaning towards making a private blog and just saying what I need to say and hoping the answers come to me through my writing. The only problem with that is.....I'm talking to myself and I barely keep up with this blog. It would be non existent if I started another one.

Yet another life decision. ha! (as if they were all that easy)

Lots of ramblings about lots of things

So, my Wii doesn't like me. The Husband got on, after not using it for 133 days, and it told him he lost 10 lbs. TEN POUNDS. Every single flippin time I get on it, it tells me I have gained at least 1 lb. Last night was 1.1. This frustrates me because I have been exercising 3 times a week and semi watching what I eat. Ive only been doing it for 2 weeks but still. I shouldn't gain. The Husband said some nonsense about it being muscle before you actually lose blah blah. Nothing I really wanted to hear, even if it is true. A few months ago was the first time I have ever tried to diet/exercise. In my whole life! I didn't lose anything then either and now I know why I quit. I guess I want instant satisfaction. I don't have tons of patience....I need results to keep my attitude up. Oh and I don't want to cut out all junk food or stop drinking my 2 Mt Dew's per day. I really don't think that's a lot to ask for but apparently it is in the 'workout world'. blech. I look at old high school friends on Facebook and they have all gained lots of weight. Is that just your destiny as you get older? I dont want to gain more but at the same time I don't want to miss out on all the yummy food. __________________________________________________________
My child has a busy social life. And she's not even 8yrs old yet. She has a friend coming over Sunday to play....the plans were confirmed yesterday around noon. Yesterday at dinner M tells me how she's going to work with my mom Monday and Tuesday. Uhhh no one told me this. We will be spending all day with my mom on Saturday so it would have made more sense for her to stay Sat night through Tue evening.....a little vacation for her. Now she comes home with us and then we have to drive her back to my mom's after Ava leaves Sunday evening. She cried and said she was mad at herself for not telling me sooner. I felt bad but they cant tell me these things at the last minute and I wont cancel plans with Ava because that's not right. I excuse my mom too because she has alot on her plate lately and she thought it was next week. ____________________________________________________________
Saturday we are going to move my grandfathers things and clean his apt. I sooo hope this isn't an emotional event for my mom because I suck at these things. Im just uncomfy and don't know what to do. I hardly even cry in front of people, except The Husband.
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We bought a tent last weekend. Now we just have to find time to go camping. lol Busy people, we are! Buying this tent has proved that I have some deep rooted issues. lol I keep thinking that the tent doesn't have locks/doors/anything to protect us. A friend of mine said 'killers don't hang out at campgrounds' and while that phrase makes me laugh every time I think it.....I think shes wrong. Why wouldn't they? Easy access, makes sense to me. I think that whenever we go camping I will have to get falling down drunk (yes in front of the kids who have barely seen me drink) or heavily medicate myself in order to not worry about this. Our first camping will be in our backyard and the second will probably be in my moms backyard. lol She has a pool so we could spend the day at the pool and hang out all night. It seemed like a cheap vacation to do with the 3 kids.....minus the killer part. ___________________________________________________________
Micheal Jackson. I don't know how I feel about him. Sure he was a star but I still don't know that he wasn't a pedophile also. I'm just kinda neutral on his death. I'm rather shocked that so many people are saddened by it. I must have been under the impression that everyone thought he was a pedophile. Last night on FB I watched a friend get tore to shreds over her comment about him.....from her friends who obviously thought she was defaming his character or whatever. I was surprised to find out he was 50. Surgery does wonders for wrinkles I guess. I'm starting to get 2 wrinkled in between my eyes. Not liking that!!

I guess that's enough thoughts for this early in the morning, especially on a Friday!
Have a great weekend!!