Monday, September 28, 2009

A battle in the mind

So last night when I was wide awake at 1am I thought about blogging. And then I thought about not blogging. That made me think about what I really wanted to do with this blog. As you all know I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I feel like I have no control over anything and I don't like it. I have insomnia. I've never had insomnia....I am a sleeper. Sleepers don't lie awake hours after the rest of the house has gone to sleep. Sleepers don't lay on the sofa at 1am watching mindless TV.

So right now I am trying to decide if I want to keep this blog all sunny or if I want to make it real life. I am leaning towards making a private blog and just saying what I need to say and hoping the answers come to me through my writing. The only problem with that is.....I'm talking to myself and I barely keep up with this blog. It would be non existent if I started another one.

Yet another life decision. ha! (as if they were all that easy)


Staci said...

Girl, I am sorry.... I can only imagine how you feel... Hugs to you... I hope you get some much needed sleep, it will do you good! HUGS!

Jodi said...

Hugs and sorry! I think you should write whatever you feel and want to write! Somedays it will be happy, some sad, and so on! Be will help you feel a little better just to get things in writing sometime!
You can also type a post but not publish it. Maybe that will help with just writing it down.

Good luck!

pedislp said...

Girl, you know you are always in my thoughts and've been there for so many years... You will get through this tough time being even stronger. Being home is an opportunity you may not get again...try to fill it with things you've been putting off or wishing you could do...volunteer at M's school, perhaps? Help out at Meals on Wheels? Something that will make you feel productive and good about yourself.

Love and hugs!!!

~~Mel~~ said...

I want to be there for you during this time girl...stop shutting us've been so quiet here and elsewhere!

I miss you like crazy.