I haven't really talked about 'real life' stuff on here yet because I didn't know where I wanted to go with this blog. So far it has just been a place where I write down my many random thoughts. But this is my blog and it is real life so........
I have been on Lexapro for about a year. I was depressed and just blah, plus I was diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) from a fatal accident that I was in (I was a passenger in a car that hit someone head on and killed the person). So yeah I have tons of anxiety.
My Dr prescribed anti-depressant after anti-depressant and none of them seemed to help. Finally we settled on Lexapro and I felt G-R-E-A-T. Well I become immune to medicine or something because they always quit working. My anxiety creeped back in so my Dr gave me some kind of (forget the name) pill that I take if I am having an anxiety attack and it works right away. He doesnt give the anxiety pill out in a refill-able (made up word) amount because he said it can become addictive. Wonderful, that’s all I need!
Fast forward to a few months ago and I don’t really feel the Lexapro is working anymore. I researched natural remedies for anxiety online and decided I was going to try Kava Kava. Around this time I also started exercising everyday and just trying to take control of my life. In the beginning of March I went off the Lexapro and honestly I have felt great since. I have laughed more this month than I can remember. I honestly just feel happier than I have in a long time. TMI but my sex drive is back, which is good for a couple who is TTC. Everything is just peachy!
EXCEPT for the panic attacks. I have been trying yoga, deeeeeeep breathing and talking myself out of it and that seems to be working. I am so amazed at some of my triggers though. The Husband and I were talking about it last night. He feels like when I can not control something that’s when I start panicking. I know I have control issues (lol) but I think he may be right. If something is out of my control it stresses me out. Not normal stress out, more like full on freak out. Some things are always going to be out of my control so I am just going to have to learn to deal with them. This should be interesting! My attacks have quadrupled since stopping the Lexapro so I’m not sure if this is from weaning or if this is how life really is without it. Either way I feel like its time that I face this stuff head on. I hate breathing heavy. I hate feeling like I can’t catch my breath. I hate feeling like there is 1000lbs on my chest.
I have an amazing husband who has stood by me through some very moody times and a great daughter who I am truly blessed to have. What else do I need? I can do this!
So, there you go…..your first real glance into who I am.
My plan for no spend July: Get 'er done!
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